Main

What?

Why?

Nouns

Old Stuff

Mail

Musketeering

This was an email I sent out trying to get a bunch of friends together to go see The Musketeer the night it opened. The effort was not a rousing success, as only three other people besides myself and Liz ended up going. One person told me that, "After due consideration, we will wait to watch it at 3AM on a discount cable channel." They missed a fun movie, so hey, their loss. This is the letter I wrote, trying to convince people to see the movie, after I'd been moaning about it ever since I heard the summary "Three Musketeers meets Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"

Attention! I'd like to organize a viewing of The Musketeer, at 2:10PM this Sunday at the AMC 24 in Hampton. Now, I know I've been sort of slagging this movie to you, so now I'm going to convince you why you should go see it:

* SWORDFIGHTS - It's possible for the crappiest of crap movies to have good swordfights that validate the movie in part. I have it on good authority that the swordfights in The Musketeer are fantastic, and there are a lot of them.

* TIM ROTH - Tim Roth (guy who spends most of Reservoir Dogs shot, bad guy in Rob Roy) plays the bad guy. A bad guy. So, if you like Tim Roth: Come see the movie! He'll spend a lot of it wearing black and being evil and vicious and cool. If you don't like Tim Roth... well, he's playing the bad guy, which means he'll probably snuff it in spectacular fashion near the end of the movie.

* MENA SUVARI - She plays a peasant who's D'Artagnan's romantic interest. Men, come to see this because you'll get to see Mena Suvari in medieval type clothing, which generally includes much cleavage. Women, come to see this so you can annoy your S.O. by continually pointing out that Suvari looks nothing like a peasant in France in the 17th century would look.

* STARS VERY FEW ACTUAL FRENCH PEOPLE - The only bona fide French name I could pick out in the cast list that has a role of any size at all is Jean-Pierre Castaldi, and even he sounds half Italian. Then there's a Jean-Luc Ristic who plays a pastry chef, and a Jean-François Wolff (note: if you need a 7th Sea name, steal this guy's!) who plays "Cardinal's Guard" So, very few authentic French accents, and possibly some OUTRAGEOUS accents instead. This can only improve things.

* MANTINEE - On the off chance it happens to be stinky, you won't have paid full price to see it! Whadda deal!

* NEAT FIGHTING! - So, they used some legendary Hong Kong fight guy to choreograph the fights. Talking to someone who's seen it, they don't do the Crouching Tiger style soaring stuff, but just some reasonably plausible acrobatics. This could be quite, quite cool.

So, let me know. Liz and I will be seeing it at a minimum. I hope to see the rest of you (and, in some cases, your S.O.'s), too! If you know someone who you think would enjoy it, hell, invite them! More the merrier!

Later!

--Matt

Previous